Gigarom 1/Gigarom Macintosh Archives (Quantum Leap)(CDRM1080320)(1993).iso/FILES/TXT/Computaholic Exam.cpt/Computaholic Exam.txt

Text File | 1992-07-06 | 8KB | 203 lines

                                 Computaholics Exam
                             by MATRAT, CFJ, and RABBIT

          Are you a Compute-a-holic?  Many of us are without even realizing
     it.  Below are a *few* questions to help you take a somewhat humorous look
     at your computing habits, and decide if you need help.  A new chapter of
     Computaholics anonymous may be forming near you.

     Do you use disk labels for tape?

     Do you buy disks in lots of 100?

     Has this ever happened to you: Your spouse gets *frisky* and you say, "Not
       tonight honey, I've got a bug." And then you have to explain that you
       meant *in your program*, when your better half breaks out the
       Pepto-Bismol?

     Do you use more than a CASE of paper per year?  Do you own and frequently
       use a calculator capable of Hexadecimal and binary arithmetic?

     Do you have computer style personalized license plates such as:
       CPU-HED ?  PLA-PHA ?  PAG-ZRO ?  MEG-4ME ?  GIG-BYT ?  4160ST ?
       BLITER ?  I1T-RAM ?

     Can you look at memory hex dumps and disassemble them in your head?

     Have you ever written an assembly language program that is more than 10K
       of pure object code?

     Every time you pass a computer, typewriter, or anything with keys, do you
       get this irresistible urge to type something?

     Is your profession non-clerical in nature, yet you can type 70 words per
       minute or more?

     Would you RATHER write a video game than play one?

     When a friend calls you to ask you about a problem with his monitor, do
       you immediately start thinking in assembly code, when he meant his
       Monochrome display?

     Do you HOPE the teacher assigns a term paper instead of a mid term exam,
       so you can do it on your computer?
       Have you ever waked up at 3AM face down on your computer's keyboard?

     Do you take computer magazines to the toilet with you?

     Do you have a bumper sticker which reads:
       "I'd rater be COMPUTING than COMMUTING"?

     If you are a professional programmer do you ever wonder, "Why do they PAY
       me to have this much fun?"

     When lunch or break time rolls around, do you start working on a computer
       program for home?

     Do you have a "computer ROOM" in your house?

     Do you take computer books to the doctor's office, dentist, or barber with
       you?

     Do your kids teethe on game cartridges and disk cases?

     Do you save Velveeta Cheese boxes to use as 3 1/2" disk tubs?

     Do your kids use your bad disks for frisbees?

     Do you subscribe to more than one COMPUTER MAGAZINE?

     Do you ever take a VACATION DAY so you can spend 16 hours in front of your
       computer at home?

     Do you own more than $3000 worth of "home computer" equipment?

     Do you write a "quick and dirty" checkbook balancing program when you pay
       the monthly bills, because it's too much trouble to find a calculator?

     Do your kids say things like, "Compile error Dad, can't mow the lawn
       today.  I got a priority interrupt and have to go to the library and
       process some homework!"?

     Do you ever confuse computer terms with cliches like: "Man, he did he ever
       blow his stack pointer!"

     Do you print the kids' school valentines, Christmas, or birthday cards
       with the computer?

     Do you constantly lose important phone numbers and info under piles of
       computer manuals and printer paper?

     Do you have a neurotic fear of throwing away any box that once contained
       computer equipment, in case you might have to "send it back to the
       factory"?

     Do you have piles and piles of such boxes, filling every closet
       and every inch of garage space in your living area?

     Do you have to take out several trash bags full of obsolete program
       listings every week?

     Does your spouse often threaten your computer with violence...in a
       "joking" way, of course?  (Examples: "I'll take an axe to that thing!",
       "throw it in the pool", etc.)

     Have YOU ever threatened a guest with violence if he set a glass of water
       down next to the computer?

     Do you talk to the computer as if it could hear you?

     Do you own more than two computer languages that you never use?  And
       never even learned?

     Do you own a shirt-pocket pencil holder?

     When your girlfriend (wife, etc.) says "it's too hot, I think I'll slip
       into something more comfortable", do you run to turn up the air
       conditioner to protect your computer from overheating?

     Do your family and friends write you letters instead of calling since they
       can never get through to you on the phone, while you play on Delphi,
       BBSs and the like?

     Are all the clocks in your house 24 hour format?

     When you read about Americans and Russians negotiating ICBM reduction, do
       you wonder how many Commodore computers they could destroy?

     Do you put Audio CDs in your computer's CD-ROM player to analyze them?

     Do you take your family on a "get away" vacation to Silicon Valley?

     Have you worn the letters off your computer's keyboard?

     Can you recite the alphabet in ASCII codes?

     Has your dog ever attacked, or raised its leg upon, your computer system
       out of jealousy?

     Do you read license plates to look for letter combinations that look like
       assembly opcodes?

     When your wife says she is going to take a "drive to the store" do you get
       a sudden urge to go check on your disk drives?

     Is your idea of a BIG ADVENTURE playing one?

     Can your children do binary arithmetic?

     Have burglars ever hit the entire neighborhood except your house, because
       you are always UP CODING?

     Is the biggest tragedy in your life a power outage?

     Do you use computer chips instead of thumb tacks?
    Have you actually ever managed to finish a programming project on time?
       (If so, you are definitely a computaholic.)

     Have you ever realized that you "forgot to go to bed" when the alarm goes
       off, while you're sitting in front of the keyboard?

     Have you ever gotten a new toy for your child that requires "parental
       assembly" and gone to fire up your Macro Assembler?

     Do you program in ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE rather than C, Pascal, or Action, just
       for the FUN OF IT?

     Do your neighbors call the air force because of a strange glow emanating
       from one room in your house all night long?

     Do strange noises, frequent orders for chinese food and many packages
       from UPS (which you elatedly wait for) catch their attention?

     Do you celebrate COMDEX as a national holiday?

     Can you hotwire a phone into your direct connect modem from any motel or
       relatives house?

     Do you travel with a computer?

     Have you forgotten how to talk to other parents at the PTA meeting?

     Do you burst out laughing when your spouse is talking and manages to make
       a completely hidden reference outside of the context of the subject
       which is hilarious when applied as a computer joke?

     Does a newly discovered BBS become a highlight of your day?

     Do you string your own telephone wires and electrical extensions?

     Have you ever had to explain to the phone company why you *need* 4
       phones?

     Are you constantly trying to find a 'better disk editor' or a 'better
       input routine' or a 'better word processor' ?

     Have you ever finished a program and delivered it, then never modified it
       again?  <<Be honest, now...>>

     Do your kids know how to spell RUN before they knew how to spell their
       names?

     Have you noticed how old friends just cannot carry on interesting
       conversations any more?